The Quilt Inn Country Cookbook

Aliske Webb

The Wrong Arm of the Law

Early this morning, Jeff Bob Burnet, the town sheriff, dropped by to return our

post-hole digger. We sat for a spell in rocking chairs on the porch. There are strings

that run from the garden to the carved wood “gingerbread” trim that runs under the

eaves where morning glories and string beans grow up. It makes a cool dappled

shade on the porch on a late August morning as the day begins to get too hot. We had

fresh blueberries at the Inn so we tucked into some blueberry oatmeal squares.

Despite being careful not to have the luscious purple fruit stain our fingers, we left

unmistakable incriminating fingerprints on our napkins.

As we enjoyed our morning cup of coffee, we shared some local gossip and I

was reminded of the story about how Jeff Bob got to be sheriff. Jeff Bob’s always been

something of a loose cannon as a sheriff but you would have a hard time replacing him

now. His notoriety and popularity came as a result of his unbridled and perhaps unwise

enthusiasm in running for the job of sheriff.

Countyelections are usually low key and uninteresting events around here, and

in most other places for that matter. There’s the usual flutter of hand-made support

signs that litter lawns and shop windows for several weeks. The local newspaper

carries each nominee’s election ad, which is usually not much more than conservative

resumes and raison de vote. The strength of most nominees’ credentials seem to lie

on their stable home life (wife, 3 kids, dog Spot), and number of years in the

community. Knowledge of law is never much of a factor. Not much remarkable happens

and then the keys to the two cell jail building change hands quietly. And life goes on.

Until the year Jeff Bob decided to run. Which is tough to do when you have your

foot in your mouth. Jeff Bob was decidedly at a disadvantage since he’s a forty-plus

bachelor and only moved here five years previously after being laid off from a

steelworker’s job. He came, temporarily, to help his brother-in-law and ended up

staying. It often happens that way.

But Jeff Bob brought some dark clouds with him. It seems there was a great

deal of rancor and hard feelings at the steel plant between the management and the

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Country Cooking